Go with the Friendship Flow

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friends-1272735_640It’s been about five years or so since I started to dabble in the realm of personal growth, and within the past year I’ve really leveled up my commitment to my own journey of self-discovery. The concept of connection has been on my radar more and more, and I’m beginning to realize not only the importance of connection and our relationship with others, but also how it can spawn revelations when it comes to personal growth and authenticity.

Over the years, like everyone, I’ve experienced an ebb and flow with my friendships. None of my current friends are people I knew before college, and I’ve shed two of my longest tenured (think at least 10 years) and deepest friendships over the past two years alone. Losing those two friendships was really painful, but it also made me realize how important it is to let go of relationships that no longer serve you, especially if they’re toxic. Each of us deserves to be treated with love and respect, and if that isn’t something that you are receiving in your relationships, then it’s time to let them go. It’s also important to realize that sometimes you just outgrow people. I know for me, once I opened myself to authenticity and personal integrity and really took inventory of my personal values and beliefs, it was extremely difficult for me to settle for friendships that were unbalanced or shallow.

Looking past the pain of those lost friendships, I realized that the connections that I still maintain are bonds that truly light me up. I have quality friends. I am surrounded by people who genuinely love me and care about me and my life. They want what’s best for me. They encourage me to chase my dreams and explore my potential. They support me in good times and bad, and they love me for me. Really, at the end of the day, that is all any of us want, right?

The awesome–and unexpected–result of shedding toxic relationships is that it made me really invest in my relationship with myself. I began to realize that I deserve better. I deserve to receive the same quality of love and support that I so freely offer to others. Self-love was a big theme for me this year (in case you couldn’t tell ;), and it’s the reason I decided to dive into the amazing group coaching program that I’ve mentioned before.

And you know what happened once I did that?

friends_handsI received an influx of new and beautiful people in my life. These amazing earth angels share so many of the struggles and aspirations that I experience, and it has allowed us to bond quickly and on a much deeper level than I was used to. Bonds like that, particularly ones that accompany hardcore soul-searching, force you to be better. It’s because of that program, those ladies, and these new connections that I continue to dig deep and explore who I am and all of the things of which I’m capable.

When you live your life constantly inspired and excited for what could be, it’s like you’re living on a magical plane of infinite possibilities. And yes, that is probably too froo froo and woo woo for lots of people, but for me – it’s epic. It makes me smile. It makes my heart beat faster in anticipation. I know that I am aligned and being authentic to who I am, and I think that’s one of the reasons why I’m here – to shine my light and give others permission to do the same. That revelation and the feeling that goes along with it would never be possible if it wasn’t for the amazing, beautiful, soul tribe worthy friends who are part of my life. So thank you. All of you. I love you more than words are capable of expressing, and you know that from me, Little Miss Writer, that says a lot 🙂 ❤

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Remember to Play

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Play QuoteLast week, the topic of my group coaching work was self-expression and communication. I’ve always considered myself a pretty expressive and creative person, but when I actually stopped to take inventory of how I’ve honored these traits recently, I realized that I haven’t. It was a sad development for me, because in addition to being expressive and creative, I’ve always considered myself fun. Further reflection on all of this–as well as experimentation over the following days–solidified the fact that I (and everyone, in my opinion) need to remember to play, and play often.

Really, think about that.

All of us are so focused on and committed to various responsibilities – working to make ends meet, having and caring for a family, climbing the professional ladder, being disciplined to achieve our goals and dreams. The laundry list of to dos is endless. I know that’s how I live my life. I took the thing I love and consider my passion, the thing that brings me the most joy – writing, and turned it into a chore that just wasn’t paying off in my eyes. So what happened? I avoided it and completely zapped all of the fun out of something I used to love unequivocally.

No wonder why I was so depressed!

I may often have my head in the clouds, so to speak, but I’m also a realist when it comes to paying the bills and having a good work ethic, so I get that we can’t just shun all of our responsibilities and replace them with video games and wild parties (although I do miss the Metal Gear summers of my teenage years). But we can invoke more play and fun in our daily lives. How? Allow me to *~list~* some suggestions:

  • Write for fun! Sure, it’s awesome to have a project to focus on with an end goal of pitching, getting an agent, getting published (or movie-fied) and raking in the big bucks and glory, but remember to take time out to just play with your craft. Find a prompt and just go for it, with no goal in sight. Just write for the sake of writing. To create. To weave together words. To play. You know I am taking this advice, right?! I may even post some of my prompted drabbles in this blog. (And if writing isn’t your thing, do the thing that is your thing for fun.)
  • Get out in nature. Personally, I’m more of a homebody, but when I do actually go out in nature, I wonder why I don’t do it more often. Plants, flowers, water, all those naturey things are high vibing sources of energy and that’s why they make us feel so good. Plus, if you’re walking or running (from zombies?!) or hiking etc., extra yay for getting in your steps and getting your blood pumping.
  • Color! Adult coloring books are awesome. So are high quality markers and colored pencils, and–dare I say it–crayons. I have an entire stack of coloring books that I pull out every once in awhile. I plant myself on my couch, fill my ears with awesome instrumental music (The Dark Knight! Game of Thrones!), and color until my heart’s content. Talk about a great way to unwind after a stressful work day.
  • Cook. As long as you’re not me. ‘Cause cooking ain’t my thang, but I know that’s not the case for a lot of people. So, if cooking is your thang – then werk that kitchen. Also, invite me over so that I can indulge in a home cooked meal or two. I’ll bring alcohol (or store bought dessert). And tupperware.
  • Board games! Get a group of friendly peeps together and bust out those board games. Or Cards Against Humanity. Actually, that would probably be number one on my list. And if you haven’t played CAH yet, do yourself a favor and buy a deck. It’s hilarious. It’s become a family tradition in my neck of the woods – our preferred way to end the holidays. But, ya know, my assholeness is hereditary sooo 😉  
  • Take breaks at work. Yes, being an adult and responsible and able to pay off your student loans is important, but so is taking breathers throughout the day to rest your brain and refuel your energy levels. Get away from your desk. Go chat with a work BFF. Take a walk outside. Hide in the bathroom and take a break from human interaction (or is that just me?). Whatever helps you take a moment to realign with your zen and happiness – do that. 

Of course there are tons of other ways that you can play and have fun. Whatever they are, whatever it is that makes you smile and feel good – do it. Do it often. It doesn’t matter how old you may be, or what line of work you’re in. Play is important for all of us. Smiling, feeling good, vibing high, and being happy – all of it is so important. Otherwise, what’s the point?

I Lost Faith in My Writing

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Be You BeachConfession time: I’ve been super depressed lately. As in considering medication because I’ve been vibing so low, feeling terrible, and couldn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. I put a lot of the blame on my job, because it’s been a really tough year at my workplace, and although I’m great at what I do, I don’t love it. It doesn’t light me up. It’s unfulfilling. And that’s a hard pill to swallow every day. I’ve even blamed some of my depression on the amazing group coaching program that I’ve been in since November (which sadly ends in a few weeks). Although I love it, have made amazing friends, and had some transformational breakthroughs, much of the work has been really deep, painful, and hard to face (Sidenote: Still, this program and work has still been one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. Period.). Naturally, with all of this going on in my life, I blamed my depression and never-ending misery on those things. But–and here’s the kicker of a realization that I just had a few minutes ago–it’s not work or personal growth that have fueled my depression.

It’s me.

Over the last few months, somewhere along the line, I completely lost faith in the one thing that I hold most dear.

I lost faith in my writing.

At first, I made excuse after excuse on why I couldn’t write: I’m too tired after working all day. I’ll write on the weekend. And then the weekend would come, and I’d fill my days in other non-writing ways. The work week would start all over again, and while I’d hide away on a lunch break here and there to write a scene in my current novel-in-progress, anything I produced just seemed lackluster and like utter shit. Not exactly how you want to feel about your own work. So I blamed perfectionism, and although there is some truth to that, I knew that it wasn’t the entire story. 

Earlier today, I felt like I needed to journal. And not just normal journaling, but soul journaling (or channeling), because yes that’s a thing that I do. It may be too woo woo for some folks, but I consider myself a pretty intuitive person, and I’ve done a lot of work and experimentation over the past five years to really build a bond with my intuition and soul. Lately, however, as my depression has seeped in, I was beginning to get resentful toward spirit. All the time and prayer I put into begging for some sort of light at the end of the tunnel or clear-cut steps to take to improve my situation resulted in nothing. I just kept getting the same generic wisdom: my purpose revolves around writing and connecting with others through my words, but how I decided to actually execute that was my choice. Divine guidance, yet completely useless.

Or so I thought.

After today’s soul journaling session, I had yet another page of the aforementioned type of guidance. At first I was annoyed and disappointed, but then I set my notebook aside and really began to think about it and everything really. Me. Life. Purpose. Depression. Direction. My dreams and aspirations. All of those big questions that are at once empowering and absolutely terrifying.

What do I really want to do? If I could wake up tomorrow and my life and my career revolved around my work–work that made me happy and comfortably self-sufficient–what would that work be?

“Creative writing,” flooded my mind. It gave me chills and made all my hair stand on end. Because duh, I’ve wanted that since I was a kid. And when I started to think back on all of the things and moments and habits and stuff that people noticed about me or commented on or led me to experience really awesome soul-shaking moments throughout my life, all of it–literally all of it–related to some form of creative writing. 

  • When I was in first grade, the kids in my class called me “the dictionary” because I always knew what the hard words meant and could easily help others with spelling and writing assignments.
  • In middle school, I became notorious for having a new book to read every few days. Literally. I’d be excused at the beginning of Sustained Silent Reading a few days a week to go to the library to pick out a new book. In fact, the school librarian was one of my favorite people all throughout elementary and middle school.
  • My favorite book, to this day, remains the only book that I remember my parents reading and talking about and then later recommending to me. When I tweeted to the author last year to rave about said book, he responded, and I died (in a good way). 
  • When I was younger, think single digits, I used to write to my gram, because I dubbed us pen pals. And once I hit about 11-years-old, I began to keep daily journals. I still keep daily journals, and I still have all of the journals and notebooks from over the years.
  • My favorite college class was a Lord of the Rings independent study that I took with the head of the English department. I needed to keep asking for an extension on the detailed journal of analysis I was assigned to keep, because I didn’t realize that reading one of my favorite series would go so much slower when I was reading critically instead of for fun. I got an A in that class, by the way 🙂
  • It was around my college years that I started to write fanfiction. And I know that fanfiction gets a bad rap and elicits a lot of eye rolls, but speaking from experience – fanfiction was the thing that first gave me the confidence to share my stories with other people.
  • I’ve been a “nerd” slash “fangirl” my entire life. But what this really translates to is that I’ve been obsessed with stories–in the form of movies, TV shows, and books–since I was a kid. And when I say obsessed, I mean it, because these stories touched me, impacted me, left an impression, and inspired me to try my own hand at storytelling so that I could make others feel the way that I felt when I watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer and read the Harry Potter series. (Sidenote: I’m not just a pop culture addict, I also love the classics, like Oscar Wilde, Jane Austen, Shakespeare, and Edgar Allan Poe. I have layers.)
  • Teaming up with my friend Jess five years ago to try this writing thing as a duo remains one of the best experiences of my life. We wrote a book! We eventually realized that our true niche lies in screenwriting and have since completed two screenplays. The ideas just keep coming, and working together feels like literal magic.

Still, for some reason, I lost my faith in my writing. And it’s sucked. It completely zapped me of all happiness and energy over the past few months. Which makes total sense, because I was hiding from the one thing that truly lights me up and makes me feel vibrant. And you know why? Fear. The hiding and the suppression and the faithlessness – it’s all fear-based.

What if I’m not good enough? But what if I am?

What if nothing ever comes of this? I’ll never know until I actually, genuinely 100% try.

If it was meant to be, wouldn’t it have happened by now? I haven’t actually completed enough projects to pull the trigger on legit pitching to make anything happen.

It’s too hard. All of the best journeys are – that’s what makes a good story.

So, in this moment, I now dub my faith all sorts of restored. No more hiding. I’m going to temper my fear. I’m going to stop running from the unknown and my potential. I’m going to stop making excuses. I’m going to really, truly pour all of my heart and soul into my writing and stop phoning it in just so I can just check “writing” off of my to do list.

TLDR: I’m going to write until the day I die, and even then, you’ll need to pry my words from my cold, dead hands.

Soul Searching Rec: Mindbodygreen

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mbgYou may have caught on to this by now: I am a personal growth junkie. I love learning and exploring new things, particularly resources that are informative, inspirational, and fun. And if said resources just so happen to improve happiness and well-being, all the better!

So, in the spirit of promoting such resources, I’d like to recommend one of my favorite daily e-newsletters (stemming from a great website): Mindbodygreen. I look forward to this gem in my inbox every single day. Here’s a blurb from the Mindbodygreen website about the mission behind the brand:

mindbodygreen is a lifestyle media brand dedicated to inspiring you to live your best life.

To that end, we want to give you everything that’s great for you: mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, and environmentally — because we believe these pillars of wellness are vital and interconnected. Hence mindbodygreen (one word, not three).

Mindbodygreen splits their content into these categories: eat, move, live, breathe, and love. Revitalize is another subcategory that is based off of an annual event hosted by Mindbodygreen that gathers wellness leaders and other inspirational individuals who shape the world.

The content on the website and in the e-newsletters is truly inspirational. Each e-newsletter issue is filled with a number of articles and recommendations that are impactful and thought provoking. Topics range from astrology and clean eating to fitness and relationships. Even the articles I wouldn’t necessarily seek out have often been enjoyable and enlightening.

If you’re looking for a daily dose of inspiration, I highly recommend subscribing to the Mindbodygreen newsletter!

Meditation

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meditateI’ve been meditating for about five years, and although I’ve gone through periods where it was a devout daily practice of mine, I’ve not been very good at making it stick lately. The annoying thing is that I know how much it improves my life – it gives me clarity, a way to relieve stress, and it lends to a marked and overall improvement to my mental health. I thought that perhaps by blogging about meditation, it would inspire me to make it a daily habit once more.

I’m rather flexible when it comes to my meditation practices, because I like to learn about and experience new things. I’ve tried many different types of meditation: guided meditation, meditation accompanied by sound (my preference is ocean waves), binaural beats, breath-focused meditation, and just plain old silent meditation. I wouldn’t say I have a favorite type, but I tend to practice silent meditation or guided meditation the most. My favorite guided meditation is Blissful Deep Relaxation. The first time I used this meditation, I fell into the deepest meditation I’ve achieved to date. It was trance-like, and once I finished, I wasn’t even aware of my body. It was awesome.

I also have some meditation apps that I like to use:

  • Brainwave: The Brainwave app is a good option if you’re into binaural beats. Brainwave has a handy timer feature, ranging from five minutes to eight hours (if you use one of the sleep beats), and it also has background sound options (like “Beach Surf”). The actual binaural beats options include programs such as “Power Nap,” “Morning Coffee,” “Critical Thinking,” and “Creativity Boost.” I definitely like all of the options, but I’m not sure binaural beats are for me. I never seem to get anything out of this app, try as I might.
  • Breathe: Breathe is one of my favorite meditation apps. It provides a meditation guide for newbies, a list of meditations–some of which are free, and some that you must purchase–and it even tracks your meditation progress. My favorite Breathe meditations include “Mindful Meditation,” “Gratitude,” and “Great Compassion.”
  • Calm: Calm may be tied with Insight Timer as my favorite meditation app. The interface is super nice, and there are a ton of options. Calm offers daily meditations and various meditation programs, such as “7 Days of Calm,” “7 Days of Sleep,” and “7 Days of Self-Esteem.” Both unguided (timed vs. open-ended meditations) and guided (“Body Scan,” “Calming Anxiety,” etc.) meditations are available, although many of the latter need to be purchased. Calm also has a scenes feature, which allows you to choose from an array of moving images to focus on while you meditate, if you so choose. They have everything from a beach sunset to a horizon scene.
  • Headspace: Headspace is perhaps one of the most popular meditation apps. It’s a really great resource for newbies and promises to teach and promote daily meditation in just 10 minutes a day. Like Calm, it has a really nice interface, although as someone who has meditated for years,  I found Headspace to be a bit too meditation for dummies.
  • Insight Timer: This one is my most recent find, and it has quickly climbed to the top of my list. It’s free, and it’s basically an online database of meditations for all different purposes: sleep, relaxation, reducing anxiety, balancing your chakras, etc. You can search for whatever you want, and they also keep lists of the current top 20 meditations, newest meditations, etc. I really like that there’s a bookmark feature, so you can keep track of your favorites, and there’s also a rating feature, which always helps me decide which meditation to choose.
  • Simply Being:  Simply Being is a guided meditation app, but you can mute the voice so you can focus on your chosen sound instead. I favor “Moderate Surf,” (with the voice muted) but there are other options, such as various music, “Light Rain” and “Evening Lake Birds.” I also like the timer option on this app – you can set your meditation for 5, 10, 15, 20, or 30 minutes.

If you’re interested in meditation, you should definitely try one (or some!) of the apps listed above. Of course now that I’ve published this post, I’ll be sure to take my own advice and get back into the habit of meditating 😉 I find that for me meditating at night just before I go to bed is a great way to unwind after a long day and fall asleep faster, which is always appreciated.

Daily Soul Searching

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lotusSoul searching is a daily practice of mine, not because something is missing from my life and I’m trying to find it, but because I love personal growth and self-discovery. I love peeling back the layers of the most authentic version of myself and uncovering what truly lights me up as well as the areas in my life that I could change, strengthen, or improve.

My soul searching journey began over five years ago when I reconnected with an old work acquaintance. We were both struggling with painful personal issues, and began to lean on each other for support and inspiration. From there, what had only been a friendly work relationship blossomed into a beautiful friendship that is still thriving and changing my life for the better every single day. Daily lunches turned into weekend girl nights, where we began to experiment with tarot cards and meditation. These activities combined with just being together created a bond and a sense of peace and happiness that we both desperately needed.

We practiced meditation consistently, even when apart, and we also began to collect various tarot card decks to share. We were curious about any form of spiritual practice and soul work that we could get our hands on, and this interest eventually led my friend to The Secret and The Magic by Rhonda Byrne. Both books revolve around the concept of the Law of Attraction (like attracts like), but The Magic was more of an activity book – a 30-day daily practice of gratitude. For me, The Magic  was…well, magical. That book changed my life and catapulted me to a completely different level of soul searching and self-discovery.

As I mentioned, I had been struggling with deeply negative and painful personal issues at the time, and practicing daily gratitude and learning more about and believing in the Law of Attraction greatly shifted my attitude and perspective. I began to see inspiration and joy in small, everyday things. I was able to acknowledge that although my life wasn’t perfect (who’s is?!), I had so much for which to be grateful. From there, my life significantly changed. I was able to distance myself from my personal struggles in a healthy way. I moved into a new apartment that I loved. I was able to quit a job that made me deeply unhappy and move on to a new position that offered more money. I accepted and celebrated my writing talent and began to actually aspire to hone it and share it with others. I am not exaggerating when I say that it felt like good thing after good thing just kept falling into my lap.

This shift was so uplifting and life changing that it prompted me to continue to seek out things, people, places, and whatever else affected me on a spiritual level. This practice of daily soul searching stuck with me, and I still, to this day, seek out experiences that touch my soul and leave a lasting impression. External things and possessions can be great and fun, but when you are impacted on an internal level, when you feel something in the core of your very being, those are the types of things that can change your life. Those are the moments that inspire you to be better, do more, and share your experiences with others who need inspiration or motivation.

Every single day, I find something that lights me up. It’s often something small and inconsequential – reconnecting with a friend, seeing a quote on social media that moves me, having some time to write and just getting absolutely lost in the flow of creativity. Daily soul searching has just become a part of who I am. I enjoy learning and personal development, and more so, conversation about all of the above. I enjoy sharing my experiences, and–hardly shocking, I’m sure–sharing my story and seeking the stories of others. I think that to some, soul searching may seem like an overwhelming, complicated (or never-ending?), or spiritually froo froo task, but I believe that at its core, soul searching is rather simple – it’s about connection. Connection with yourself, connection with others, and connection with new ideas that light you up from the inside out. 

New Beginnings

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sylvester-970863_640Over the past couple of years, I’ve grown averse to making New Year’s resolutions, as it’s a sure fire way for my all-or-nothing mentality monster to rear its ugly head and just wait for me to lose steam before altogether failing. Instead, I’ve gotten into the habit of ending a year with releasing things that are no longer serving me and showing gratitude for everything I was given and accomplished over the past year. Still, I’m not completely opposed to the concept of new beginnings for a new year.

In the spirit of new beginnings and releasing things that are no longer serving me, I’ve decided to delete the multiple blogs (some anonymous) that I was maintaining and instead create one blog which will encompass everything that I’d like to write about. I’m somewhat notorious for starting and stopping blogs, but that’s because I love to write and I’m passionate about so many different things–writing, entertainment, personal growth, to name a few–that it’s hard for me to creatively stay in one lane.

So why bother?

Hence, my shiny new blog: pamprz.com. I went old school general with the domain and title, but really, what better way to represent what I’m all about than to just make the blog mine. I’ve saved some of the old posts from my other blogs that I’d like to archive here, so I will interweave them with new posts moving forward. Sidenote: the screenwriting blog that I keep with my screenwriting partner will stay separate as that’s a dual effort 🙂

I’m really excited for this. I’m excited to have one home for all of my writing. I’m excited to link one solitary blog to all of my other social media accounts. The organization and convenience of it all has me all sorts of internally flailing. I’m also excited that my writing will no longer be limited to a specific niche or topic.

Above all else, however, I’m just really excited to write.